Musings from an overworked translator

Subject: Fwd: FW: Experianced Linguist Ready to Work! April 6, 2010

The following e-mail has been making the rounds. Thought I would share it with you all to brighten your day. The e-mail tells you to scroll to the bottom, but I have flipped it here to make it easier to read in blog format. Enjoy!

Subject: Fwd: FW: Experianced Linguist Ready to Work!

Names have been changed, to protect the innocent.

________________________________

From: Joricho Muachos
To: Linguistic Resources Coordinator
Sent: Thu, April 1, 2010 2:52:03 PM
Subject: Experianced Linguist Ready to Work!

Greetings Ms. Linguistic Resources Coordinator,

I hope this email finds you well! I was given your name by a colleague of mine in reference to making myself available to work with Your Company.  I’m primarily an English to Portuguese translator but also can do revision and proofreading as well. Can you let me know what we need to have me start working for Your Company?

Regards,

Joricho Muachos
Professional Portuguese Translator

________________________________

From: Joricho Muachos
Sent: Monday, April 05, 2010 10:09 AM
To: Linguistic Resources Coordinator
Subject: Re: Experianced Linguist Ready to Work!

Hello Ms. Linguistic Resources Coordinator,

Can you please advise on what steps are needed to start work with Your Company.  Money has been very scarce lately and my Mule Milosh is almost without feed.

Regards,

Joricho Muachos
Professional Portuguese Translator

________________________________

From: Linguistic Resources Coordinator
To: Joricho Muachos
Sent: Mon, April 5, 2010 10:43:15 AM
Subject: RE: Experianced Linguist Ready to Work!

Hi Joricho,

Thank you for your email. If you would like to be considered for work with our Company, please send me your CV. I will review it and see if you
qualify to undergo our translation testing process.

Best,

Linguistic Resources Coordinator

________________________________

From: Joricho Muachos
Sent: Monday, April 05, 2010 2:51 PM
To: Linguistic Resources Coordinator
Subject: Re: Experianced Linguist Ready to Work!

Hello Linguistic Resources Coordinator,

Attached is my resume.  I would like to breifly summarize it for you.

In my earlier years I spend time as both a Goat Herder and a Mule Whisperer.  As unorthodox as this sounds both of these professions are highly regarded in my country.  Mule whispering is not a skill but a gift from our lord.  It is with this blessing I can speak the thoughts of mules and become their intimate friend.  Soon after whispering to many a mules I decided to shift my expertise to Goat Herding.  In this job I showed the
goats where to go.  If one got sick or was slow I had to beat it death with a rock so not to slow the rest of the herd down.

Thanks,

Joricho

________________________________

From: Linguistic Resources Coordinator
To: Joricho Muachos
Sent: Mon, April 5, 2010 4:04:36 PM
Subject: RE: Experianced Linguist Ready to Work!

Hi Joricho,

Thank you for you CV. You have a lot of very interesting experiences. However, Our Company requires that all of our translators have a university degree. They also must have 5 years of translation experience and provide 2 end-client references. Therefore, you are unfortunately not a candidate for working with us.

Thank you for you time and have a nice day.

Best,

Linguistic Resources Coordinator

________________________________

From: Joricho Muachos
Sent: Monday, April 05, 2010 4:22 PM
To: Linguistic Resources Coordinator
Subject: Re: Experianced Linguist Ready to Work!

Linguistic Resources Coordinator,

This is most dissappointing to hear.  Someone told me translation was an easy way to make additional money for my new film “The Quiet Mule who Spoke Loudly one time because he was Naseous that Day”.  If this doesn’t pan out its back to Goat Herding.  Do you think if I use more business words in my resume like instead of “Telling Goats where to go” to say “Managed a team of 148 Goats” might help some of my future job potential?  Can a Mule that I’ve whispered to count as a reference?  I know you cannot understand them but I can tell you what they are saying.  One of my Mule Whispering clients is the most famous Mule breeder in all of Europe for our lords sake!

I want to move to the united states but the need for Goat Herders and Mule Whisperers is small which worries me.  Also my personal Mule will not be able to come because of your laws.  I know you see a lot of resumes and anything to help me make mine better would be appreciated! Maybe i can give you a free Mule whispering lesson in return! 🙂

Joricho.