Musings from an overworked translator

How I feel today January 13, 2009

I don’t know about you, but I feel like a truck hit me this morning. Don’t you just hate days when you feel like Adam in the above comic strip?

TGIF: Lewis Black on Bad Language January 10, 2009

OK, so technically it isn’t Friday anymore, but most of you don’t read this on Friday anyway. I’ve been fighting the post-holiday malaise, so it’s been hard to motivate myself to sit at the computer. Luckily business picked up today, so I look forward to being back to normal next week.

Here is a little comedy bit on bad language by Lewis Black from his Red, White & Screwed comedy show. For those of you who don’t know him he is a rather caustic and cranky comedian who focuses mainly on politics. No politician is safe, regardless of their political affiliation. I don’t normally feature politics here, but all politicians are his targets so there isn’t any bias.

Some of the highlights from this show are:

“Dick Cheney. And that’s all I’ve got to say. Isn’t it great that we’ve reached that point? You don’t even have to say Dick Cheney, the vice president who shot his friend in the face. …

“The last year and a half has by far been the toughest time to be a comedian. It’s just become more and more difficult. I just can’t keep up. … It used to be easy. There used to be one or two things that happened in a week. … I don’t even have a ports of Dubai joke and we’re on to immigration. You tell me how we’re going to catch 11 million people. … And build a fence that’s 700 miles long? A fence that would basically be the distance from Washington to Chicago. We’re going to build that fence and then it’s going to take Congress five years to decide what color to paint it. We’re going to build a fence that’s 700 miles long and we couldn’t build levees in New Orleans?”

“About six months ago, I was home alone watching the president speak on television and … realized that one of us was nuts. And for the first time in my life, it wasn’t me.”

“It’s not like I’m saying Kerry would have been any better. Let’s face it. When you when into that voting booth, you had a choice between two bowls of shit. The only difference was the smell. How did you Democrats find Kerry? What’s the matter with you people? … The first time I heard him speak, I thought … ‘I don’t have enough bread crumbs to get me home.’ The fact of the matter is the Democrats not being able to find somebody to defeat George Bush is beyond belief. It’s stunning. It would be like finding a normal person who would lose in the Special Olympics.”

Enjoy!

Showing the Gate to 2008 January 9, 2009

“Showing the Gate to 2008”
by Rob Kyff

The old year has passed, so now’s just the time
To lambaste its buzzwords and do so in rhyme.
With “downturns” and “crashes,” please call the cops!
And don’t even mention those defaulted “swaps.”

“Wall Street” trashed “Main Street,” we’re sorry to say,
But “bail outs” and “rescues” claimed, “Help’s on the way!”
The “drumbeat” of bad news was loud and so steady,
And projects to help us were deemed “shovel ready.”

When anchors told experts to just “walk us through it,”
They all said, “my sense is,” which had no grit to it.
They backtracked and wavered with “having said that,”
Till viewers had no idea where they were at.

The sports guys on cable were never in doubt,
When showing us highlights, they said, “Check this out!”
And weather folk felt they’d just never make sense
Without all their talking of snow-sleet “events.”

When these fell together, they knew they’d transfix
By hyping the dangers of cold “wintry mix.”
Describing the nighttime, just one term seemed right;
Without any question, ’twas “the overnight.”

They talked of “YOUR forecast” for “YOUR Saturday,”
Please pray to YOUR God, make this go away!
When newspaper readers wrote letters to papers,
They started their missives with two standard capers.

While “I read with interest” seemed mild enough,
“Let me get this straight” just sounded too gruff.
Yes, Deep Throat passed on, but Watergate’s slime
Still lingered when people said, “that point in time.”

“Efforting,” “footprint” — Have you had enough?
These phrases, we pleaded, “throw under the bus!”
Seeking “engagement,” we rallied “the base”;
“Way forward,” “proactive” all over the place.

We “blogged,” and we “twittered” on gadgets of gab
And sometimes we traded a feisty “fist jab.”
Obama, he started each sentence with “Look . . .”
While Palin’s “you betcha” swam like a chinook.

This mommy of hockey put “lipstick on pigs,”
And Fey nailed her hairdo, with no need for wigs.
We heard about “change,” and then met a comer:
An unabashed “maverick” named ol’ “Joe the Plumber.”

Obama said, “fired up, ready to go,”
With “Yes, we can!” “Yes, we did!” he stole the show.
The buzzwords of last year deserve no ovation,
From twenty-oh-eight, we demand a “staycation.”

========

Rob Kyff, a teacher and writer in West Hartford, Conn., invites your language sightings. Send your reports of misuse and abuse, as well as examples of good writing, via e-mail to Wordguy@aol.com or by regular mail to Rob Kyff, Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Suite 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Rob Kyff and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

TGIF: Santa Claus and His Old Lady December 27, 2008

I know Christmas is over, but the local radio station is still playing Christmas songs and this was on tonight as I was driving home from the Akron Christkindlmarkt. It is without a doubt my favorite Christmas story. It wasn’t Christmas in our house without listening to this classic Cheech and Chong bit about “Santa Claus and his Old Lady.” This comedy routine was featured on the album “Where There’s Smoke.” Now my parents are and were not by any means ‘tokers’ (smokers of marijuana), but they found this comedy routine hilarious and shared their humor with my sister and me. When we were little we simply didn’t get the drug references. It never gets old for me.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with Cheech and Chong, the comedy duo of Richard “Cheech” Marin and Tommy Chong was popular in the 1970s and 80s. Their standup routines revolved around hippie speak and the drug culture. Tommy Chong later starred in “That 70s Show” playing a drugged out ex-hippie, but in real life he is quite well-educated. Chong’s California-based company, Chong’s Bongs, was raided by federal officials in 2003 as part of a federal crackdown on “drug-related paraphernalia” and Chong was sentenced to nine months in federal prison as a result. Cheech Marin distanced himself from drug-inspired comedy in the mid to late 80s and went on to star in “Nash Bridges.” He recently appeared in a reality show called “Celebrity Duets,” which is the only reality show I watched religiously. The two are rumored to be planning a comeback together.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this little clip. The video is just pictures of them since it originates from an album.

Hanukkah song December 22, 2008

Hanukkah (Chanukah) started at sundown last night. Hanukkah is an eight-day Jewish holiday that marks the re-dedication of the Temple in Jerusalem after its desecration by the enemy and commemorates the “miracle of the container of oil.” According to the Talmud, at the re-dedication following the victory of the Maccabees over the Seleucid Empire, there was only enough consecrated olive oil to fuel the eternal flame in the Temple for one day. Miraculously, the oil burned for eight days, which was the length of time it took to press, prepare and consecrate fresh olive oil. (Info quoted from Wikipedia)

I live in an area that is heavily Jewish, so it’s kind of neat to see Hanukkah flags and Christmas lights on different houses. When I was younger Hanukkah wasn’t that big a deal. It was a minor holiday on the Jewish calendar. My Jewish friends would complain about getting socks and underwear as Hanukkah gifts but, as the Plain Dealer reported in How Hanukkah has become hip, that all changed when Adam Sandler performed his Hanukkah song on Saturday Night Live in 1994. So in honor of Hanukkah, I would like to introduce my readers overseas to a young Adam Sandler. Most of you probably only know him from his goofy movies.

Susanne asked me to post this link to Phoebe singing Happy Hanukkah to Monica on Friends.

My favorite Christmas episode December 22, 2008

I was watching TV last night, which was a treat because I don’t usually find time to do that. I even fell asleep on the couch! It was bliss… Anyway, one of my favorite TV shows from my childhood, WKRP in Cincinnati, was on WGN, and it happened to be my all-time favorite Christmas episode of any TV series I’ve ever watched. It was “retro night,” which made me feel old, but I realized that, even though it was thirty years ago, the humor still translated. WKRP was about a struggling radio station in Cincinnati, Ohio and had a bunch of fun characters in it, Johnny Fever the drugged out DJ, Venus Flytrap the smooth black DJ, Herb the smarmy ad salesman, Les Nessman the geeky and clueless newsman, Andy the programming director, Bailey the shy news assistant, Jennifer the hot secretary, and Mr. Carlson the bumbling but big-hearted radio station manager. Anyway, the premise of the Christmas episode was that everyone thought Jennifer, who was always super classy and had lots of rich admirers, would be alone for the holidays and so they all came over separately to surprise her on Christmas Eve. Hilarity ensued. Part 3 is my favorite part, but I have included all three parts in case you want to see the whole episode. Part 3 has a little foreign language, some hilarity, and lots of heart. I hope you find it as funny as I do.

If you want to see the episode from the beginning here are part 1:

and part 2:

But, as I said, my favorite part is part 3:

Merry Christmas, everyone!

TGIF: My present for the ladies December 19, 2008

I stumbled on this video while searching on Youtube for the phrase “Frohe Weihnachten.” I wish I could get a present like this this year. 🙂 This guy cracks me up. Just a little somethin’ for the ladies… Merry Christmas!