A Maxine Christmas Story December 10, 2008
Posted by Jill (@bonnjill) in Fun stuff.add a comment
I don’t know about you all, but I could use a little levity at the moment. It’s been a rough couple of days. I’m still arguing over the word count with my client, but I finally went over my PM’s head and got someone looking into the problem who is familiar with the interface and immediately recognized the likely problem. This is the first time I’ve ever done something like that, but I wasn’t going to take a 10,000 word discrepancy lying down.
My mother sent me this this morning, which cheered me up. Hope it provides a chuckle for you as well. Maxine is one of my favorite Hallmark Cards characters. She’s crabby and cranky – and absolutely hilarious. She even has her own blog, called Hot Flash Central! I’m going to go add it to my feed reader right now… Enjoy!
Twas the night before Christmas
And All through the house…
Not a creature was stirring Since the cat ate the mouse.
My support hose were hung By the chimney with care.
(I hung them last Christmas And just left them there.)
My dog, Floyd, was nestled All snug in his bed,
After watching the cat rip The presents to shreds.
And I in my long johns And ratty night cap
Had just settled my butt For a long winter’s nap.
When out on the lawn There arose such a clatter,
I swore at the window, “What the (blank) is the matter?”
I tore open the window, Not a second to tarry,
All ready to throw The noisemaker a berry.
A bright moon was lighting The new-fallen snow…
And I had a moon of my own Set to show.
Floyd was beside me, Paw pointing the way
Toward eight tiny reindeer Hitched up to a sleigh…
And a little old driver So cheery and quick,
I thought for a moment That I would be sick.
Like a bat out of…you know, His reindeer they came,
And I whistled and shouted And called them some names–
“Hey, Hornhead! Hey, Furface! Hey, Weiner and Turkey !
Yo, Klutzy and Mangy And Venison Jerky!
Stay off of my porch! Get away from my wall!
Now hit the road, hit the road, Hit the road, all!”
But as pedestrians before My old Buick, they fly
And head for high ground With great fear in their eyes,
So up to my rooftop The fleabags they flew,
With a sleigh full of toys And old Fruitcake Breath too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
Holes in my new shingles Made by each tiny hoof.
As I reached for my slingshot And a marble as well,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas Tumbled and fell.
He had a huge sack of Cheap junk on his back
And I whispered to Floyd, “Be prepared to attack.”
His eyes they were squinting, His toy bag was draggin’,
And I felt for a moment Like I’d soon be gaggin’.
He was dressed all in red. With a bell on his hat.
And a belt of black leather To hold back the fat.
A billowing pipe He clenched tight in his smile,
And the smell was like something Had been dead for awhile.
He had a broad face And a little round belly
That shook when I nailed him With a handful of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, Well, actually porky,
And I laughed when I tripped him (He looked pretty dorky).
He was like a beached whale Unable to budge.
And he tasted good, too, If the dog was a judge.
I spoke not a word But went straight to my work–
A noogie, a wedgie, A cry of “You jerk!”
Until laying a finger Aside of his nose,
With a loud cry of “Uncle!” Up the chimney he rose.
He sprang to the sleigh And dragged in the toys,
Then he cried to the reindeer, “Get me out of here, Boys!”
And I had to exclaim As a slushball I tossed,
“Happy Christmas to all, And to all a Get Lost!”
But then, as I turned, I saw ‘neath the tree
Two gaily wrapped presents– One for Floyd, one for me.
A big bag of jerky Turned Floyd mighty chipper,
While for me was a pair Of brand-new bunny slippers.
I looked out the window, And hovering there,
Old Santa was winking From his sleigh in midair…
“Merry Christmas, Maxine!” He cried, full of cheer.
“Same to you, Pal!” I answered, “I’ll get you next year!”
Why are translators so pedantic? December 9, 2008
Posted by Jill (@bonnjill) in Random musings.17 comments
This post has been lingering in my drafts for about two months now. An e-mail yesterday from a colleague on a listserv correcting my German grammar (which frankly wasn’t that bad) on top of the stress of arguing with my client over the word count of my large online survey had me in tears last night, so I decided to finally publish this one.
Back in October it started with a simple off-topic request to one of my translation listservs asking for hotel recommendations in New York City. I responded with the name of a hotel that I have been meaning to try for a while now, and someone responded ripping the English grammar errors on the hotel’s web site. The discussion then morphed into a discussion of English grammar and the ever popular “I can English so I can be translator” whining. Why are translators so pedantic?
Translators are the only people I know who take joy in discussing the use of a single word or phrase for hours on end. Translation is first and foremost a business, so we often can’t afford to spend hours pondering one word. It isn’t like I’m being paid $0.50 a word, which would afford me the time to craft perfectly phrased texts. I generally quickly find the term I need and move on to the next sentence. Discussions on several listservs can span for days, long after the translation has been completed and sent out the door. I don’t have the time to discuss a word for days when the translation is due tomorrow. Seriously, this behavior helps no one.
And to all those of you who are tempted to correct someone’s English or German or grammar or whatever privately due to a post on a listserv, DON’T! It’s rude and extremely presumptuous. Your “helpful correction” might just arrive at a time when the person is burnt out from translating and might not be all that well-received and appreciated. If the person is managing to get their point across let it slide. The way I write on a list often doesn’t reflect the way I would craft a translation. When I write to a listserv I don’t proofread the text three times before sending it. I simply write it and send it.
Thanks for letting me rant. I feel much better now 🙂
TGIF: Fry & Laurie on Language December 5, 2008
Posted by Jill (@bonnjill) in Fun stuff.1 comment so far
Sorry about not getting this video up sooner. It’s been crazy here today. Here’s an old Fry & Laurie clip for you to enjoy. I’ve loved Hugh Laurie before he became House. I first saw him on Black Adder. If you’re only familiar with him on House I think you’ll be surprised how zany some of his characters are. Enjoy!
Krampus outside Salzburg December 5, 2008
Posted by Jill (@bonnjill) in German culture.1 comment so far
In honor of December 5th, here is a video of some Krampus. This kind of Krampus I didn’t mind. It was the ones who skulked in the dark and attacked folks that scared the bejeebus out of me.
‘Twas the night before Saint Nicholas Day December 5, 2008
Posted by Jill (@bonnjill) in German culture.2 comments
Christmas in Austria and Germany was always my favorite time of year. Nothing beats the Christkindlmärkte (Christmas markets) and a nice steaming glass of Glühwein (mulled wine) while standing under white twinkle lights and straw ornaments. The Christmas season is officially starting today for me, with Saint Nicholas Day, which was the inspiration for the American Santa Clause. In Germany, Nikolaus is usually celebrated on a pretty small scale. Many children put a boot, called Nikolaus-Stiefel, or shoe outside the front door on the night of December 5 to December 6. St. Nicholas fills the boot with gifts, and at the same time checks up on the children to see if they were good. If they were not, they will have a tree branch (rute) in their boots instead. Sometimes, a disguised Nikolaus also visits the children at school or in their homes and asks them if they “have been good” (sometimes ostensibly checking a book for their record), handing out presents on a per-behavior basis.
Krampus in Austria, Photo courtesy of Wikipedia
But for many children, Nikolaus also elicited fear, as he was often accompanied by Knecht Ruprecht, who would threaten to beat, or sometimes actually eat, the children for misbehaving. Knecht Ruprecht is a scary looking incubus with goat legs. In Switzerland, where he is called Schmutzli, he would threaten to put bad children in a sack and take them back to the dark forest. In other accounts he would throw the sack into the river, drowning the naughty children. These traditions were implemented more rigidly in Catholic countries and regions such as Austria or Bavaria. In parts of Austria, Krampusse, who local tradition says are Nikolaus’ helpers (in reality, typically children of poor families), roamed the streets during the festival. They wore masks and dragged chains behind them, even occasionally hurling them towards children in their way. These Krampusläufe (Krampus runs) still exist, although perhaps less violent than in the past. The word Krampus originates from the Old High German word for claw (Krampen).
Traditionally in Austria young men dress up as Krampus in the first two weeks of December, particularly in the evening of December 5, and roam the streets frightening children (and adults) with rusty chains and bells. In some rural areas the tradition also includes slight birching by the Krampus, especially of young females. I for one hated walking on the streets of Salzburg during this time, because it was an excuse for delinquents to beat people. Some of us wore long coats to ward off the hits. Basically you heard the bells and ran like hell.
So Happy Nikolaus, folks!
Mourning the passing of cherished colleagues December 4, 2008
Posted by Jill (@bonnjill) in Random musings.1 comment so far
I would like to welcome guest blogger, Susanne Aldridge from In-House Translators – A Dying Breed, who helped me write this. I didn’t realize the irony of her blog title and the fact that she is helping me until I just typed it. No pun was intended. She may have helped me write this, but will also be writing her own memorial for Judy Ann. This is not a very cheerful topic to discuss, but I feel it is an important one.
Susanne and I have been active on the Internet for many years now. One interesting phenomenon that we have noticed is how close you can become with someone whom you have never met face to face. We have lost several colleagues over the years who were active in online listservs or blogs, and it never ceases to amaze us how their deaths affect us.
Getting news of someone’s death is always a disheartening experience. Whether we read about it in the papers, or are informed by friends, whether the death is due to natural causes or has been sudden and unexpected, it saddens us. And this is so even when we don’t know the person who has died.
My first experience with virtual loss was the death of David Orpin back in 2002. His posts to PT were always very well-written and profound, and I find myself sometimes referring back to them to this day. His insights and posts were extremely helpful to a newcomer to the business like me, and those of us on PT still remember him fondly to this day.
The death that really made me realize how close we can become to someone we have never met was the death of one of my fellow volunteer translators at German News, Hermann Evelbauer. I learned of his death while checking my e-mail in the middle of the Exhibit Hall at the ATA conference. Tears streamed down my face and I felt the profound loss of such a helpful colleague, yet I had never met him because he had lived in Brazil.
The latest colleague to pass on is Judy Ann Schön, a English to German translator who lived in Lenggries. She was an active participant of the PT list and she was famous for her incredible knowledge of DejaVu X. She was a certified Atril training partner and, with her company EDV & Seminare, she taught DejaVu X training courses. Even though teaching DejaVu X was one of her jobs, she never hesitated to give free support and answer questions on and off the mailing lists. For many, her offer “If you like, you can send me your file and I’ll fix it” was a life saver and you never heard anything but rave reviews about her courses. She is survived by her daughter Sandra, a geology student at the University of Munich. The PT list, one of her virtual homes, is collecting money to help out Sandra and to show that, even though most of us had never met Judy Ann, we are truly affected by her passing. We may work in isolation, but something like this really brings the community together and, while Judy Ann asked to keep her illness a private matter, we believe that we can now get together to remember her.
Susanne and I were talking this morning about the phenomenon of losing an online acquaintance/colleague. We both mentioned that we had written out instructions for our executors about whom to notify once we are gone. Our families most likely have no idea how active we are online and where we were most active, so a list of groups to notify in the event of your death will be a huge help – and will allow your online friends to grieve and not simply wonder what has happened to you a few months after you stop posting. Consider taking a few minutes this week and compiling a list of the groups you are involved in. I have my list stored with my Living Will and other important documents. It may sound silly to many and you may not feel this way, but I do consider a lot of the participants on the various lists and message boards to be my colleagues and friends. In today’s world, I probably know them better than many of my next-door neighbors and I would want to know if something happened to them.
The outpouring of sympathy from online colleagues and friends will definitely warm the hearts of your family and next of kin. I myself am frequently touched by the responses on various listservs when the news hits that someone has passed. We mourn together as a community.
‘Tis the season… to be overworked December 3, 2008
Posted by Jill (@bonnjill) in Random musings.1 comment so far
Here it is December 3rd, and I’m slammed with work. I translated just under 13,000 this weekend, and the survey I’m currently working on is looking to be a similar word count – if not more (the client is estimating 25,000 words…). Hey, I’m not complaining. With the economy in the toilet, it’s a nice problem to have, and it pays those post-Christmas bills. I also know that I’m not alone. December is traditionally an incredibly busy time of year for me. Companies are trying to get business wrapped up before taking off for the holidays. Lots of German companies simply close up shop during the week between Christmas and the New Year, and try to cram everything they can into the weeks beforehand.
As a result, it’s a challenge to juggle the work with decorating, shopping, card sending, wrapping gifts, attending all those holiday concerts and parties, and everything else that needs to get done this time of year. Every year I manage to get it all done, but it’s never the peaceful, relaxed time I remember in Germany. Michelle at WordCount offers some great tips on how to celebrate the season and get everything done this time of year. Even though her target audience is freelance writers, her tips apply to freelancers everywhere – including translators!
Is my drool embarrassing you? December 2, 2008
Posted by Jill (@bonnjill) in Random musings, Tools.2 comments
I have a new desk chair to covet. My Aeron is no longer good enough. Herman Miller has launched its new Embody Chair. An array of knobs and levers let you tailor the chair to your body, and an improved tilt mechanism combats neck, hip, and lumbar strain. I can only imagine sitting in this chair is like sitting in a cloud. I just can’t believe anyone would be willing to pay $1,600 for a desk chair. It’s important to invest in a good desk chair, but $1,600 is a bit too pricey for my wallet.
When is it worth quibbling over word count? December 1, 2008
Posted by Jill (@bonnjill) in Business practices, Random musings, Translation Sites.11 comments
I spent the weekend translating a really big online survey. The client had also translated some responses, so I copied and pasted the responses I translated into Word for an accurate word count. My word count ended up differing from the client’s word count by 226 words, which was an improvement from the 625 word difference the client initially reported (he hadn’t taken a second tab into consideration). Since we were dealing with over 6000 words I decided not to quibble over the 226 words and accepted the lower word count. After all, I’m not perfect and might have made a mistake while copying and pasting responses all weekend (but I doubt it 🙂 ). In the end it was only a $25 difference, so I am not freaking out about it. But I’m curious to hear how you all would have handled this. Would you have let it go and accepted the lower word count since the PM did a word count three times and came up with the same count the last two times?
I hate fighting with clients about prices and nickeling and diming them to death, but sometimes you have to in order to make a profit. I did a job for a client about two months ago. I spent more time dealing with their administrative paperwork than I did on the actual job itself. It was a conference call and I billed for two hours (one hour prep work and one hour on the phone). I had to sign their contract three different times (because for some reason they didn’t want me to fill in the date, which is stupid because my signature is dated 8 days before the date on the top of the contract. whatever) and fax and mail it back to them (in England). I managed to talk them into allowing me to add 5 euros to the bill to cover those costs. I got my phone bill over the weekend. My fax costs alone were $16. Not to mention postage to England ($0.94 a pop). OK, that’s my fault for using AT&T and not some 0150 number or some online fax service, but I will definitely think twice before working with them again. I will also think twice before faxing overseas from my office fax machine. I made a small profit on the job, but it is definitely a lot smaller than it would have been otherwise.
Neat Net find – NetPass December 1, 2008
Posted by Jill (@bonnjill) in Tech tips.add a comment
I’m uncluttering my office and recycling mountains of paper that has accumulated in the past year or two. I wanted to share this little blurb with you, which I have from the August 2006 issue of Real Simple. I think it could be a great tool for translators everywhere.
It’s the Web-surfing equivalent of a wipeout: you’ve combed through 27 pages of search results to find the newspaper or journal article you want. And when you finally reach it? They want a subscription fee. (Worse: They tease you with the first three lines!) Don’t pay. Download a free NetPass at www.congoo.com (Windows only) for access to up to 15 premium articles a month from more than 200 sources, from the Chicago Tribune to the Encyclopaedia Britannica to Harvard Health newsletters.
They also offer a free toolbar. Does anyone have any experience with this service that you would like to share it with the rest of us? Firefox refused to install it on my computer because it didn’t ensure “secure updates” – whatever that means. I’m curious if its concern is justified.
As far as I can tell they don’t have the medical journals I usually need, but there’s always the chance that there might be something in there you need. Enjoy!
